Let's Get Physicals

I actually like going for my annual physical because my Primary Care doctor is so awesome – plus I’ve been going to her so long it feels like we’re pals. Yesterday, for example,  she so patiently went over all my boring issues writing it all down. Of course being such a GIRL, I went right into apology mode the second she stepped close for the looking down your throat and up your nostrils part “Look at these lines coming around my mouth!” I yipped in self-castigation. “Hey come on, you look great” she said (She’s my same age so we’re talkin’ relative here.) “I have those lines too, see? A few more years and our lipstick will start bleeding down into them!”“So you don’t think we should go get face-lifts?” I said half in jest.“Facelifts, God no! The women I know who with face-lifts look weird. Listen, it’s better to just age. We look a little crappy for a few years but then it all changes and we turn into these beautiful old women in our 70s and 80s.”See why I like her? Beautiful old women in our 70s and 80s! She meant all women in their 70 and 80s are beautiful, and not in spite of being old but because they are old. Like these two bold babes, cigars and flowery caps and all.

Politics!

 So Sarah did OK. She smiled her face off. Sometimes it's all you can do. Never let ‘em see ya cry, I say.

Now should Joe Biden have the skin on his head yanked up so he can see again? Or DID he have all that head-skin yanked and that’s why his eyes have a slightly Asian caste? And how about them chompers?

I had forgotten he lost his wife and child in a car accident in the 70s but that second wife sure is nuts about him. Everyone should have someone who looks them in just that proud way. Unconditional positive regard, that’s what the shrinks call it. That’s what Jesus was handin’ out. We all need it who doesn't? And so what if he had some work done ? You make huge mistakes in your life, you lose people you love, then you wake up one day and notice you’re still here. Might as WELL get a hairpiece if that’s what it takes to put a bounce in your step. Strap on that colostomy bag and keep on dancin’!

I haven’t been able to write in a while. The inside of one ear got sealed up with dead skin and ear wax so I went deaf. Then the dentist opened my head like I was one of those Russian dolls. Last April my tongue turned black on account of Listerine's Teeth Whitening Mouth Wash which caused most of the flora in my mouth to die and the fungus to flourish – they were mushrooms basically -  and though THAT felt pretty bad, all this last week felt worse. Also I wet my pants twice but not in a urine-involving way.

Stories too disgusting for a blog I know; I put 'em in my column instead - (BIG smile! -  so WATCH THIS SPACE ON SUNDAY just before I leave for Italy. I’ll put it up above here where it says "This Week’s Column." Meantime you can read about my favorite four-year-old there.

That’s it for now. I sent money to my favorite campaign again. Still waitin’ on the buttons they said they’d send back. Gonna put a couple on our cats, the real ambassadors of our neighborhood but I’ll still have a lot left. Give me a shout if you want one, yo. Meantime, let's remember our manners and let cool heads prevail :-)