Took the Day Off

After I hit a thousand posts on this little bloog of a blog I promised myself I'd take a day off now and then.

Looks like I took one yesterday - in my pj's no less.

Back to more weighty subjects tomorrow.

And thanks to The Vermont Country Store for the nightie.

Thanks to Lanz of Salzburg I really mean.

No thanks at all to elasticized undergarments and ironing ,neither of which came into play yesterday...

I know I've said before that I never wear those crazy Spanxy things. I once brought home an Extra Large one, just on trial, only to realize I couldn't have gotten it on without removing a rib.

As I recall it wouldn't even fit my cat who out-and-out refused to give it a try, even when I offered him fresh mice as payment.

As for the non-ironing in evidence here, that part surprised even me, since I iron the way some people do the Stations of the Cross.

But what can I say? A day off is a day off, right? And even your pets know that that's precisely what weekends are FOR: just lettin’ it all hang out.

Please Squeeze Me Oh Yeah Like I Squeeze You

All these years I've stayed away from corsets, Spanx, all that stuff. I was 12 when I started wearing stockings and with stocking came corsets whether you liked it or not. They called them panty girdles back then and for all their similarity to chastity belts they were still better than those tight bands of elastic with garters dangling off them.Still, adamant as I am about never wearing a corset I have to acknowledge the jaunty appeal of this emails that arrived in my inbox last night:“Hello! We are professional corset supplier in China. Majored in exploring corset, make lingerie, bra, and corset by your requirement, best price, low MOQ, do OEM! Supply corset with 5-20% discount, assure you the best price, best quality, welcome to place sample order to check quality. Welcome to place sample order to check quality!”I haven’t gone to their website - I have that old late-'90's fear that my computer will explode into fever blossoms and fall down dead - but I think maybe I will find some way to reach out because they seem like such a competent bunch. They majored in exploring corsets and how impressive is that? I majored in overeating and all-nighters. I think I have a lot to learn.So sure call me crazy but I'd still rather keep going to Weight Watchers than wear one of these pubis-to-sternum squeezers. It's true that it's all about the bra after age 25. but you could never, ever EVER get me into one.

ouch!

The Breathe-No-More Garment

Note to Self Regarding Compression Garments: Avoid Like Plague.

What they TELL you is if you buy one of these longline get-ups you’ll have no bra line, no unsightly bulges on the side, back anywhere and will in fact look, LIKE YOU’RE NOT EVEN WEARING A BRA except for that nice perky uplift of course. The reality though? you can’t get into the things and you can’t get out of them. Since they have no hooks, zippers or loops they have to go on over you’re head and be pulled down -  or else over your hips and be pulled up but your shoulders are in the way in one direction and your hips in the other; and either way you eventually run into your breasts which are not a bit happy about being squeezed into something  as big around as a tube sock.

This is a picture of me holding my new longline super-elasticized Whatever-it-is,  snapped by my pal Kathy at the dentist’s office, which accounts for the crooked smile since if I didn’t have a head stuffed full of Novocain you can bet I wouldn’t be smiling.Why? Because unassisted you can’t GET this thing on or off. With the help of several ladies in waiting you can finally get it on but then you can’t breathe.It has NO give. It would be too tight on my thigh. This one' i an Extra Large and I weigh what? 132? I mean you'd think it would fit! But I feel in it like a mouse in its last moments as the boa constrictor is doing ist final constrict.

To give you a better idea of how small it is I show it here with my cat Abraham for scale. I put it  on a small stack of toilet paper rolls and even items as small as these are screaming in their tiny voices "Aaaaaaargh! Don't Squeeze the Charmin!"

Abe: 'Get This Thing Away From Me - now!'