Why That Bar?

I woke again today thinking of Bryan, a student in my Honors English class during my sixth year teaching high school. Here’s what he wrote me in an email exactly one year ago this week:

I went on my bike yesterday to Maine and stopped to visit two guys who used to be my closest friends from 7^th grade on. Now here’s a story: When I first started going to meetings, my sponsor was this guy named Paul. I only stayed sober for 18 months that time but we remained friends. He was a good guy and he always helped me out. When I totaled my car he bought me one, registered it and insured it. I was supposed to give him the payments but since I was using at the time, I was always behind. That’s the car I did those armed robberies in and when I got caught and went to jail I never heard from him again. He’s been on my amends list for a long time but I heard he had moved away.Fast forward to yesterday when I stopped for gas and this couple started talking to me. They asked if I'd been to this biker joint down the road. I was wary but I followed them to this huge place with hundreds of people. I was walking around alone, totally overwhelmed. I went to get a Coke and when the guy in front of me called over to the bartender I recognized his voice: It was Paul. My first impulse was to walk away, but I knew I’d been led here for a reason. I tapped him on the shoulder. ’Hi, Paul’ I said. “He just looked at me and finally said “Do I know you, friend?”I said, “Ya, you do Paul. It's Bryan.” He looked at me for a few more seconds then went "Bryan? Is that you? How are you? What happened to you?"  We talked and I noticed he was drinking. I got his number and told him I needed to call him when he wasn't drinking to make amends to him, including financial amends. Then just before he turned away I said, “Paul, you were good to me and I took advantage of that. I just want you to know you were a good guy to me.”Right there, in the midst of all these bikers his face cracked and he started to cry. I don't think anyone had told him he was a good guy in a while.There were three gas stations at that intersection. Why did I choose that one? Why did those strangers talk to me?  No one ever talks to me.  Why did I end up at that bar in that line, behind that one guy?  Today I drove back to Maine and made amends with my school friends for leaving  them and blaming them, All this time I had told myself they had abandoned me but really I abandoned them - for drugs, and being a criminal, and going to jail.  My whole adult life I have felt the loss of those guys who knew me in a way that no one has ever known me - until I became someone they didn't know anymore.  I blamed them for not caring enough to save me. But, how can anyone save you from yourself? Yesterday after a very long time I started finding myself again.

Recently while riding his motorcycle with his wonderful new girlfriend Katie they were hit by a car. Neither one was seriously hurt but Katie made Bryan have a CAT scan anyway since he had landed on his head. The CAT scan revealed a brain aneurysm that looked to have been there for years. He was sent in to Mass General and was operated on last Monday.Katie texted me the all-clear the minute he got to Recovery.You never forget the young people who sat in front of you as pupils, and Bryan has meant to much to me in the years since our days at Somerville High School, not just because of the strength it took to conquer addiction but because of the way he studies his life, eyes peeled for signs of God’s hand on it.

Living Proof

Bryan just added a comment to what I wrote about him a few days ago but since it's sort of too 'buried' under all the other comments I'm going to put it up here too, as a posting.Again this is my former student and valued friend who in my book came back from the dead, thanks to the 12 Steps and the daily discipline of self reflection and self scrutiny:

Hi Terry: I'm writing in response to the story you printed about the way God led me to 'randomly' meet someone I had needed to make amends to for a long time. As heady and intoxicating to my ego having the story printed was, there were other more important lessons learned here, for me.The story didn't end there, at Bentley's, in that line, behind that guy, that day: Paul and I met two days later in my office. I was able to apologize for my behavior, after all those years. We agreed on a dollar figure for the car, $3,500, and I wrote him a check for $1,000, agreeing to pay the rest in monthly installments.I encountered fear again before writing the check. I had had a couple of customers, earlier that month, not pay me what they owed me. My initial thoughts were to use that as an excuse to either not pay Paul or to give him a much smaller check. But, that fear was quickly removed too and I made a "good demonstration" giving him nearly 1/3 of the amount we had agreed on. I was amazed that as I handed him the check, that all the financial fear was gone.Then I asked Paul for his mailing address, so I could send monthly installments, and he said " No. Why would you want to mail me the checks, when we could just see each other once in a while and you could give me the installments in person".Again, I was dumbfounded. I asked him " Why would you want to see me once in a while, instead of getting the checks in the mail?"He said, " Because you're a good guy. Why wouldn't I want to see you?"I still didn't fully understand. Why would anyone I had treated so poorly ever want to see me again?We've been out riding twice since that weekend. And I got a call from him today to come and look at some houses he's building, to give him  quotes for installing the heat and air conditioning, which, as you know, is what I do.Paul's reaction to me throughout this whole thing has amazed me. I expected nothing but bitterness and anger, but he's been just the opposite. I have a couple of resentments towards a few people I feel owe me amends from the past. I wonder if I would greet these people with the same compassion, dignity, and willingness to forgive that Paul has demonstrated towards me?AA's Big Book teaches us how to make an amend, but Paul has shown me how to receive one and forgive the person making it. If someone came to me to make an ammend, I hope I can behave as Paul has towards me.There were just so many lessons  to learn, all around this thing.I read some of the comments people wrote after reading your article and I was truly touched. It seems a lot of people were affected by this story.I'm just a schmuck who made an amend and told you about it. Then, you told hundreds if not thousands of people by printing it in your article.Judging by the reactions of those who responded, so many more people were affected by this than just Paul, you, or myself.There's a line in a Bruce Springsteen song titled " Living Proof". Bruce sings " I was looking for a little bit of God's mercy and I found living proof."Now, so have I, so has Paul, so have you, and so have your readers.And we've all been changed, by this, just a little bit.Living Proof.Love, Bryan (as he looks today)