Lucky He Doesn't WHAT?!

David has been away  for 2 days but I still feel like killing him I don’t know why, maybe it's the heat. Or maybe it's because he never listens when I talk  - but just goes “Uh huh, Uh huh” while continuing to read his newspaper the way a man will do. Or sometimes he isn’t even reading but just keeps silent anyway when I'm telling him something, which  makes me do what a wife should probably never ever do: take shots at his mother. Who is dead. Who he worshipped.“What, your mother didn’t teach you to speak when spoken to?" I bray at him in such cases.  "Oh I know how it was in your house, I was there! Four male galoots lazing about on couches while their poor widowed mother waited on them hand and foot! What, she never mentioned that in civilized society people acknowledge others when they  speak?”Turns out it’s a mistake to go after a man’s mother  -  and it's a worse mistake to complained TO a man's  mother ABOUT her son. "He doesn’t even  talk to me when he comes home from work!"  I said once to my mother-in-law, hoping for a little female solidarity and what  did she say back?  (a)  "Most  men don’t speak until you’ve fed them  dinner, and  (b) "You’re lucky he doesn’t beat you.” Hello!I remember this one time when I was just sort of mildly criticizing her behind her back: David fixed me with this piercing look he sometimes gets and said, “Don’t think YOUR mother doesn’t make a mighty wide target,” - which, I’ll admit, she did.  But  when she got in the kind of nasty mood I've been in lately she'd get herself out if it by suddenly stopping mid-kvetch to shout, “Gad! Somebody take me out in the yard and shoot me!” - which actually  gives me an idea: I think I'll go out in the yard myself now and pick a fight with the neighbor's cat but first I have to say it: We sure do miss our mothers though, don't we?