I'm Stahvin' Heah!

So I been goin' to Weight Watcha for 12 weeks now and guess how much I’ve lost? A pound and a half.I blame my husband.I blame him because in the beginning when I had actually HAD lost 4 ½ whole pounds I put on this awesome tiny-waisted skirt I bought ten years ago and said “Dave! Look how skinny!” -  which OK was a bit of an exaggeration but do you know what he says, not even looking up from his fiendish Sudoku addiction? “It’s a start.” I mean, Jeesh!I also blame the other lifeguard my senior year in high school who told me at the City pool where we both worked that no matter what I did I would always be ‘a big woman.’ He disappeared the following year - was never heard from again - and I’ve often wondered if it had anything to do with my grandmother’s hat pins and that nice old Ken doll o' mine.Weight Watchers is always saying that the real secret to dropping the LBs is to  record every single thing you ingest in the little food journals they give you and OK I’ll admit it: I haven’t actually done much of that. But I haven’t written in my real diary for almost three months either and there’s no punishment there! In fact, what I find is that your entries take on a far jauntier tone if you do make 'em a few weeks or months later. You get to compress events, tighten up your descriptions, make the jokers around you sound a lot hipper and funnier than they really are - whereas with the food diary it turns out even if you don’t write down that you’ve begun pouring heavy cream all over your Mint Chocolate Chip your hips seem to hear about it anyway and shame you by billowing.But the latest in shaming for me? The ‘smart’ pedometer I gave the Weight Watcher gang a hefty 35 bucks for, which when I first strapped it on it mornings USED to say I weigh 138 ½. Now for some reason it has me at 297 and counting.I'm tellin' ya: machines and males: they just won’t DO what we women do every day of our lives: make people feel better by simply telling ‘em what they want to hear.