Leakage

We have leakage here tonight – a so-called catastrophic water main break is dumping eight million gallons of water per hour into the Charles River and the cops are going up and down the streets with bullhorns telling people 'Don’t drink! Do NOT drink the water!And speaking of leakage, I was at my local supermarket an hour ago taking  pictures of the Lays Potato Chips that boast half the calories on account of the secret ingredient Olestra, trade name Olean. I couldn’t believe they were back on the market when I first saw them on the shelves last week.  Ten, maybe twelve years ago my then-8^th grader talked me into buying them on sort of a dare. They were called Wow! chips and as the label said had this magical artificial fat Olestra. The only problem: it also  said right on the package, “May Cause Anal Leakage.”Now kids twelve think everything is funny and mothers of kids twelve sometimes think so too if they don’t get out enough. Suffice it say we bought the darn things - and spent a whole weekend tearing upstairs to the bathroom.Our friend the Internet tells me they were taken off the market years ago but if that’s so then what’s the deal with this new product?  When I saw these chips for the first time last week I grabbed a package and sent it right off to my former twelve-year-old as a birthday present. “For the good times,” my card read, but now I’m actually wondering : If we can’t drink the water AND we can’t eat the chips what are we going to do for fun tonight?(How do they do it? the package asks. Nothin' to it really.All it takes is a credulous public and a hell of a lot of nerve.