Hot Metal, Right in the Old Eyeballs

Had an MRI last night at 10pm, weirdly enough.

Now for any MRI they begin by stretching you out like a corpse, then they seal you in a sort of high-tech coffin, then subject you to the fiercest racket you can imagine.

So into my coffin I went, joking around and saying I was sure I’d just find it funny just like I did the last time.... but of course it being TEN AT NIGHT I fell dead asleep in there, causing the technician to peep in a tiny electronic voice of alarm that sounded like it was a million lifetimes away, “Don’t move!” Jeez don't move!” Then they had to shoot the whole sequence again because being sound asleep I did move a little.

The racket IS pretty funny actually: First there’s this sort of syncopated knocking, like a kindergarten rhythm band just warming up, then six blasts of artillery fire, then a kind of electronic pocking like a person playing with one of those little wooden paddles that have rubbers ball attached to them by slender lengths of elastic.Then the whole capsule moves, with a sort of lame lurching motion, like a low-end amusement park ride. Then, it all starts again. Oh! And periodically too, a tiny image of the technician appears as a miniature angel in your coffin’s little mirror and asks, in a tiny electronic voice, if you're OK in there.

I just had my shoes and my bikini undies on under my double johnnie. Outside, David held my strapless bar, my yellow sundress and my wedding ring which is all I walked in with. Still they kept asking me if I had any METAL on, any metal at all? On me? In me? And also, Had anyone ever shot metal into my eyes?

All I could say was No. But some guy got mad at me today reading what I wrote about our nice cat Abe and how we let the doctors cut his penis off and he called me "freak" and other mean things AND HE SURE ISN'T THE FIRST TO DO SO so really all I can say about my eyes is, Not yet (and by the way here they are):