Yes I Said Yes I Said Yes

A Day in the Life: Meet deadline for column. Three hours later see it popping up in papers all over, done for the week wo-hoo! Change sheets on bed, pop in Netflix DVD I don’t remember ordering. 30 minutes later still sitting on edge of bed, stunned into a state of pathos over tale of Michael Caine warehoused in home for old folks with death-obsessed child.Wash the blanket specially bought for this endless winter. Goes into washing machine so big it barely fits. Comes out like a Shrinky-Dink, like one of those loopy potholders kids used to make at summer camp. Pray for  miracle in drier but when I pull it from there out comes a wildly swirling cloud of fluff: what used to be the rest of the blanket. Find label and read “Dry Cleaning Recommended.” Oops.Pitch a story idea called "Just Say Yes" to a magazine, smiling at thought of Nancy Reagan in final chapter of Ulysses.Answer 40 emails. Experience head pain. Also neck pain, lower back pain, hip pain. “No spine ONLY buckles; it buckles and twists!" said my chiropractor gaily the other day so where's my witches hat, I’m melting….To cheer up read catalog from Purveyor of Tiny Bikinis, a few of which I bought the summer I weighed 120. Only thing in whole catalog without a plunging neckline is babydoll-type dress to wear OVER Tiny Bikini. “Cute!” I think. Put it in online shopping cart and who cares if it’s no more suitable for me than it would be for an 8-year-old boy? At least no plunging neckline.  How could I have guessed in my younger days that what would most embarrass me looking back would be what a pathetic self-displaying show-off I was? But what're ya gonna do as Tony Soprano used or say. Live and learn. Smile again at frilly frock. Press “Submit order” and go back to the goddam emails.