Babies, the Comatose and Kim Jong Il

What’s nicer than a list for America the illiterate?  Top Ten This, Top Ten That, we love ‘em. Time magazine made this week’s whole issue a list, the World’s 100 Most Influential People. Then they made their funnyman columnist Joel Stein think up 100 of the least influential people for the magazine’s web edition – aside, as he says,  from babies, people in comas and everyone in North Korea besides that Dear and Crazy Leader.Under LOSERS for example he proposes Tom Tom, category Car GPS device: “Six years ago, these were from the future. Now they come with your phone.” Under SLIMY BASTARDS, John Edwards, category Former Presidential Candidate: “He already was irrelevant, then he allowed news of an affair and love child to come out so slowly, we forgot he was already irrelevant.” Under MORONS,  Our girl Heidi Montag, category Star of MTV's The Hills: "You used to be famous for being famous. Then you were famous for getting lots of plastic surgery and selling only 658 copies of your album in its first week. Now you're not famous. That was fast.”And under FLAMEOUTS, three that I really loved: Grover, category Muppet, “Elmo is taking all your airtime, yo”. Any mother of any eighth grade girl, category Parent: “You'll regain influence in a few years, moms.” And Mayor McCheese, category Mayor; ‘Hey, 100 is a lot of people.”It sure is. Who among us could think up 100 of anything except maybe reasons not to clean out the garage? I tried doing that just once and  stumbled upon a whole raccoon family using their delicate fingers to sort through our cans and bottles. I shut the door quick and  never tried that again I can tell you.