Fun at the Fancy Pants Hotel

Here’s where WE stayed last night, woo!- a onetime jail that is now a hotel.We won the right to sleep here almost a year ago and only now cashed in.The fun unfolded this way for me:

• 3:30: Arrive. Champagne in the room, wh-a-a-a-a-t? Drink every drop.
• 4:30: Nap seems in order. Take one.
• 5:30 Wake to play with various hotel room gizmos. High tech heaven. This is how the 1% lives!
• 5:45 Hunt in vain for in-room coffee maker. Hotel's wish: that you spend $15 on room service coffee instead. Nah, forget the coffee.
• 6:00 Have Nap Number Two
• 6:30 Wake once again. Read fascinating amazing book on Kindle. Alice Hoffman rules!
• 7:00 Have Nap Number Three. ("What happened to sight-seeing?" says Old Dave. "What happened to striding purposefully along the Charles River in 35 mph wind?" say I. Nice enough just watching it all out the window.
• 8:00 Jump up and dress for 9pm dinner reservation at Scampo Lydia Shire, chef.
• 8:30 Descend in elevators, passing at least 100 30-year-olds, the guys peering into the faces of their ladies in a way that connotes One Hope Only if you catch my drift.
• 9:00 Killer drinks. Flat-top haircut on genial young waiter! Killer apps, killer entrees, killer desserts!
• 10:30 Ride back up in the elevator, look out at cupola of the old jail again, this time softly illuminated. Gorgeous. Feel like Middle Passage Alaskan cruise ship passing iceberg. Spectacular! Only fly in all this nice ointment: the moment when, on pushing big cozy chair closer to picture window, we spy, just under the hem of the draperies, one (1) pair of Champion Men's boxer briefs, flung away in moment of gleeful abandon by previous hotel guest.

HUMANS, what can you say? Nothing human is alien to us! We kicked 'em back under the drapes and went cozily to sleep.