Just Because You’re Paranoid

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you as we used to say in the final years of J. Edgar Hoover’s America. What do you think? Did JFK feel the beady eye of that FBI head when he was sneaking mob-boss girlfriend Judith Campbell Exner into the White House?  Did MLK  sense that one of the highest level officials in the government had teams  of people watching his every move? In other words, did they ever get paranoid?I got paranoid just this week while spending the night by myself in my normally jumpin’ household.Just after midnight when I was dead asleep, the TV set in the living room suddenly turned itself on, only I didn't know it was the TV because it sounded exactly like real bad guys muttering and whispering with each other as they crept into my house. Turned out it was some movie starring Joe Pesci of all the dark and unpredictable  bad-guy actors. It took every ounce of my strength to unlock my bedroom door and walk out into that living room. So what is the deal with paranoia anyway? Does  it actually help keep us alive to pass our genes down to following generations? You bet, say the experts, who also will tell you that  if the elevator opens and you don’t like the look in the eye of the only other person on that elevator, then don't step into it. Trust your instincts in other words.Just know that they'll sometimes betray you, as they betrayed this potential client who called up the private investigator my sister Nan used to work for. He wanted to set up surveillance on his house he said because he was  dead sure someone was sneaking in while he was at work and making all the chairs, tables and couches all shorter by cutting their legs down a half an inch at a time. It was either that or he was getting taller he said and at age 50 he didn’t  think that's what was happening. Maybe someone was sneaking in and leaving one of those growth potions like Alice found inside that rabbit hole on Wonderland. If I had to bet  money, I'd say the guy himself was shrinking. After all we do change shape our whole lives through. But that's how we humans are. We'll point out the dust mote in  the eye of 100 other people before ever once stopping to look inward and spot the beam  in our own.

Be fun to see Clint Eastwood's  J. Edgar coming out in December. Leonardo Di Caprio plays him and he's always great.