Guyways and Byways

I've been away for a while, dreaming up semi-curmudgeonly tales. I call this one ...WHAT I LEARNED FROM MEN.. So much of value have I learned from the women in my life! - but if I’m honest I’ll admit I have learned quite a bit from the men as well. Anyway I have learned how they navigate the world, which can be quite different from the way we ladies do that.I should probably admit that having grown up a house of females, I didn't actually KNOW any men close up until I met the man I married. Not until I was in my 20th year did I see a man shave his face or shine those big tie shoes. Never until that year did I see how a man might knot a necktie or tuck in a dress shirt.But let's move along now to the lessons themselves, which are offered in fun, I’ll say up front, lest an angry mob with torches starts marching toward my house. Also I will say that of these following ten items, only one item might possibly, sometimes, be a rule of of my own sweet spouse.  And so without further ado - Ahem! -  Rules to Live By, Guy-Style:

• One, if people ask you questions you don’t know the answer to, feel free to make something up. If they’re asking, it’s clear that they don’t know the answer either, so you’re safe. Improvise!

• Two, in classroom settings: If you’re that guy who hasn’t done the reading and the teacher calls on you, try denouncing the biases of the author, maybe just based on his name. Or, if you’re feeling frisky, call into question the whole syllabus. Wasn’t there always that teacher in your early days who liked to be steered away from the lesson? Maybe this teacher/lecturer/workshop leader is secretly like that too. 
• Three, never, ever, ask for directions. Who knows better than you do the best way to get from point A to point B? You’re a human compass! 
• Four, don’t stop the car. Even if you end up driving to Florida by way of California, red lights and traffic jams are for chumps. Go around. 
• Five, if a woman is crying, act like you don’t notice. If the person comes over and starts tugging on your sleeve while crying, tell a joke.

• Six, let others, more ordinary mortals, answer the phone. 
• Seven, don’t feel you have to jump right in and reply to an email. If the email is directed to several people at once, you can really feel free in this regard, as someone else will surely take the lead and reply in your place. 
• Eight, since most health problems resolve without any intervention, steer clear of doctors because really, what do doctors know? 
• Nine, most “issues” are just in people’s heads. Never visit the inside of another person’s head. 
•  And finally, Ten, steer clear of the inside of your own head especially.

Cleave to these rules and you will live a happy, carefree life – at least until you see that mob with torches coming in your direction – sometimes from inside your very own house.