My Friend the Internet

I've had some great insomnia suggestions from the Facebook crowd. Somebody said take Benadryl (but doesn’t the suck the moisture out of your whole skull so your nostrils stick shut and your tongue turns into snakeskin?)  Somebody said take melatonin right before bed, “it works every time.” (But for me it work hardly at all and my doc said better to take an over the counter sleep-aid than  overuse the melatonin which is a hormone after all. “Let’s not mess with your hormones,” she went on to which I say “Uh can you write GOD a letter to that effect for me?”)People are so jaunty and helpful when you reach out for help on the web.Once I wrote a column about the leg and foot cramps I was getting  where I found myself yelling "Somebody get me a hacksaw, whiskey and a bullet to bite on! I am amputating this thing!” The suggestions that time came in email and letter form. They were:

• Take quinine
• Take calcium
• Take zinc
• Take all three together
• Lean  into a wall, heels pressed to the floor, and...
• Place an unwrapped bar soap just under your bottom sheet.  

Two separate people actually suggested this last, one person adding that Irish Spring was the soap to use and the other testifying to the fact that an area physician had named this same tactic in a can’t-hurt-to-try-it feature he writes in her local paper. So see? You’re only alone till you reach out on this frisky world wide web that God gave us instead of toys. Then stand back because here comes a whole cavalry of help!