Here Ya Go Granny

Catalog called As We Change comes in the mail that turns out to have such an array of fascinating  items it feels like Anthropology to study it. I'm taking about things like  (1) this whisker remover, to keep  you from turning completely into the witch from Sleeping Beauty, (2) "The Bra Extender" for gals that haven’t in truth been a 34-B for one very long time but like preserving that fiction, and (3)  "Comfy Straps" to ease the pain of having inch-deep dents worked into the tops of your shoulders from the weight of those darn breasts you’ve had carry around all these years. It" also has: (4) these nifty little bootleg shoulder-pads that attach to your bra straps to help you get past the sad fact that you can't BUY clothes with shoulder-pads in them  anymore and here you are looking like a total pear these days with hips hour-glassing out so much farther than they used to do; (5) silky little doodads called "Winkies," small spans of cloth that modest you can stick inside the plunging necklines clothes all have these days so, and finally  (6) the Super Primal Pheromone Concentrate," (an 'unscented elixir containing highly concentrated human sex pheromones, the natural hormonal secretions of the body that attract the opposite sex. Spike your favorite perfume or lotion with Super Primal or apply it directly to pulse points and get ready for a romantic response.')Ha ha, putting on sex hormones like perfume! I laughed in such superior fashion reading this whole catalog as I did from over to cover. Laughed ‘til I cried in fact; then abruptly stopped, called the 8oo number and ordered about ten things - because as the poet said once Ask Not for Whom the Bell Tolls, Old Girl; It Tolls For Thee! :-)