Thnax Grill Fiend!
Angry man writes me a letter, wonders where I got the nerve to take valuable newspaper space so that my ridiculous words could stand in the place of actual news. He’s referring to last weeks’ column, versions of which you can see in papers from Harrisburg PA to Redwood Falls MN to good old Nebraska City News as well as right here at the top of my home page. My thesis there: that texting is doomed simply because when applied to a keyboard no bigger than a credit card the thumb is one mighty blunt instrument.An example: the text you might find yourself sending to your colleague Tammy the night before that crucial meeting. It just shows what happens when those fat little thumbs miss their mark even by even a centimeter:"Tummy! Ate rou teady for the bog neeting? I’m feeping domewhat wirroed becalm my nimbles son’t seed to be adding up right. Con rou take a loop at them before hunch today? Thnax grill-fiend!"Or the text I actually did send to my daughter the night Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” opened and Dave and I went to it:"Ho Hiney! Poops and I just saw “Malice in Wanderlust” wit Johnson Deep as the Mud Hitter, amazon! Fuzzy thong though: I kelp boing remanded of some other actor, I thank becalms of the bog spice between Johnson’s two frump teens. Who DOZE he look like? Mike Tyson? Lauren Hutton ? Waist, I know! He loops like Madonna! Minus the bivalves, bipeds, biceps ha ha.”My answer to the angry letter writer? Columnists really don't take space that would otherwise be devoted to the news. The papers set aside this space for us, come hell or high water, in the belief that our job as commentators is just as important - which it is, my friend, which it is.
Now for some good Tuesday fun, ponder these pix and you’ll see what I mean about a resemblance in the smiles. Pretty striking, right? I’d say “OMG!”, “LOL” and so on but call me old-fashioned: I still prefer whole words.
And, just for fun, the Ear-Fillet-and- a-Side-of-Fries king himself Mike Tyson, who has the ultimate in quirky smiles:
