I've Got Joseph Biden Eyes

Last fall the eye doc peered at my eyes and said, “If these upper lids get to drooping  much more we’ll want you to get a Visual Field Test to make sure you can still see” - and didn’t I have that very thing just yesterday.The Visual Field Test involves getting cozy with a machine right out of Young Frankenstein where you put your chin here and your forehead up against here and now please look unwaveringly into this bright yellow circle of light in an otherwise grey background and every time you see the smallest flash in the periphery click this clicker.This I did with the right eye nor problem: three minutes of clicker-clicking went by lickety-split as little pops of light like tiny fireflies winked on and off around that small blinding sun. The left eye, however, they needed seven whole minutes for, during which time I by turns (1) intermittently stopped noticing the fillies, (2) most assuredly stopped caring about the fireflies, and (3) experienced such an altered state of   consciousness I began to wonder if fireflies and  eye doctors and even I myself had ever even existed or if we weren’t just all abiding in this brightly-lit space waiting to be born – OR if we hadn’t already died and were all now seated in another kind of waiting room like the accident victims in the movie Beetlejuice each bearing large traces of the tire-tracks or knife wounds or cigarette damage that had killed us.“OK that’s it!” they gaily called at last and freed my head and flipped on the room lights, leaving me able to see…. almost nothing. The room was still dark and my vision was blurry. Then to show their perennial spirit of fun they dilated my pupils and sent me out into the world 40 minutes later goat-eyed and wincing at the light with vision that stayed blurry until midnight. I had to write a dozen emails before falling into bed and I just called them up in my “sent” file now: Pure cuneiform. Pure gobbledygook.I’ll say this about growing old and falling apart: every day there’s a new adventure. :-)