Diary of a Cruise

Day One: Wind so fierce that to walk on the deck is to get sandblasted, only by water from Deck 11’s three swimming pools, all swirling gigantically as in ad for toilet bowl cleaner. Too cold for this pale northerners to sit out!

Day Two: Discover that all virtue has its limits. At home I eat salads, fruits, raw veggies. I juice, meaning I make healthful cocktails of carrots, cukes, apples, what have you while casting scornful glances at David as he drinks Doritos straight from the bag. At home there is no living with me I’m so virtuous. Here on board however, I find I am drawn to the white breads and the rices of every description and have not gone NEAR the salads. I look at them all and think “Eh!” then get myself chin-dip in mashed potatoes and gravy. The Lesson: keep an eye on the virtuous. They can turn in a minute.

Day Three: Warm at last! Much undraping all around by fellow cruisers, highlighting the difference in genders when it comes to aging. Aside from the hair dye on the ladies and the beer guts on the men, the men on the whole look younger. We women wizen; why IS that when the men still look rosy and apple-cheeked? DAMN!

Day Four This Very Day: Decide to take my problem hair to the Day Spa as all beauty salons seem to be called these days. Need my bangs cut. Sick of looking like a cross between Karen Carpenter and a My Little Pony.., steeling self for today’s Funtime Cruisin’ Special: Analysis of What’s Wrong with YOUR Hair (and How We can Help!)

More later. The Drifters sing to us tonight and MAYBE we can stay awake long enough to hear them. David on his fifth nap in 36 hours, me flying high on third soft-serve ice cream of the day, available 24/7 at “Sprinkles,” Deck 11.