Come on Baby Light My Fire

Some things about this season I KNOW I won’t miss. Couldn’t think straight the whole time. Made mistake after mistake:+ Sent out 300 letters about my new book, forgetting to write what the darn thing cost with the result that 300 people shrugged and tossed it, whimsical sample chapter and all.+ Lost car keys. Lost treasured piece of jewelry. Lost credit card (briefly: turned out it was inside my bra.)+ Made holiday card at very last minute using software definitely not yet mastered with jarring result that the many photos in it are so small family members look like wee homunculi, tiny-headed leering gremlins.On this card included one highly comical picture of youngest kid, scored from one of his friend’s Facebook page. “This is why I won’t ‘friend’ you!” kid cried in exasperation when he heard. (He still has not seen the thing.) Feel hot shame as a result; realize I’ve been exposing this kid to the public gaze for 24 long years.+ Let sole cheap candle in whole house burn down to the cheesy wood-sleigh candle-holder cradling it. Look up to see small conflagration on living room table, yelp, "There’s a fire!", thus waking dormant mate who jumps up, blows on it (which even I know is wrong.) Run to kitchen, get bowl to smother it, success! On second thought should have grabbed handful of flour, my fave tool for quenching kitchen fires because you get done and hey! there’s your gravy!Yep, one thing you learn over the holidays is how to save time.Quick last thought maybe not a bad one:+ Take candle-lighting kitchen matches and set fire to the all 250 holiday cards, thus killing two birds, one stone.So Joy to the world y'all. Now where did I put that that EGG NOG?