National Boo-Boo Day

Yesterday was the birthday of Crisco, Crisco being LARD , pure pig fat, and right next door to mercury in terms of being in the doghouse these days but I tell ya what: you want to make a really good fine pie you’d best dig out the Crisco.

It was also Chinese Lovers Day, Editor Appreciation Day, and National Best Friends Day, though I didn’t make a pie or love any Chinese people either. I did get to thinking about Chinese Handcuffs which like a lot of things (Iraq, Viet Nam) are easy enough to get INTO but a whole harder to get OUT of.

I didn't do much about National Best Friends Day either except annoy the socks off my designated best friend/spouse talk about your Chinese Handcuffs. He was annoyed because he had JUST TOLD me that TVs with DVD players in them suck on account of how the DVD part breaks and then were are you and what did I do but directly disregard his advice and go buy that very thing. He hates it when people fail to take full advantage of his sagacity. Especially when it’s his moron wife who should know better but what can he do? Even if on nine levels I test his patience like you wouldn’t believe on that tenth level he finds me irresistible. (Smug smiley face goes here.)

But I guess I DID celebrate the day a little cone to think of it in the sense that I file my column on that day of the week and so appreciate my editors afresh on account of the crazy mistakes I bad make in my typing, especially right at the last second before I press “send.” Once I was trying to tell about this teacher who liked the kids and was liked in return but what did I end up writing instead ? “She licks the kids and the kids lick her” and no spell-checking program on earth would ever find that gaffe. It takes an editor, right? And so for the zillionth time THANKS GUYS and here's to boo-boos all around. Now let’s eat us some pig fat and catch some nice Olympic swimming!

Here's the pig fat: OH ya!