I Thought He Was a Speed Bump, by Terry Marotta


“Marotta takes poignant word snapshots using a special lens that lets her see what the rest of us miss.”
The Vermont Standard

“Her courage and generous spirit will remind you of the sweetness of the moment fully lived.”
Portsmouth Herald

“Marotta’s gift lies in her ability to draw the reader gently into her world, a place this reader was more than willing to go.”
The Keene Sentinel

“Marotta sees everyday life through a unique filter of humor and fun.”
The Laconia Citizen

Click on Image for Larger Version Some reaction by readers to Marotta's weekly feature, syndicated to 50 papers nationwide:

“You write like a dream.”
John Updike

“Delightful as well as wise.”
Lee Clark, Upper Montclair, New Jersey

“You say it all and say it so well. I thank you, my children thank you, my grandchildren thank you!”
Louise Greenberg, Southbury, Connecticut

“I laughed so hard the coffee I was drinking shot out my nose and across the kitchen table!”
Another Satisfied Reader

“Your eyes are beady, your hair is out of style, and your teeth look false.”
unsigned, Brockton, Massachusetts



Table of Contents

Ha Ha (BONK!)

Ha Ha (BONK!)
Start Having Fun. Now.
A Smart Backward Kick and Keep on Walking
I Don't Even Have a Bodyguard
The Cooking Impaired
Movin' on Down the Road
A Hunk of Cheese, A Thermos of Wine and Thou Beside Me
Neat No Longer
Kissy Kiss to All from Foxbutt Hall
The Painful Truth

The Family Web

We Scintillate, We're Impervious, We Are 13
I No Like 'Dis Yucky Food!
Did You See THAT?!
The Cheese Be's Alone
Our Friend the Daily Horoscope
I Never Sleep! I Never Even Close My Eyes!
Two Long-Legged Deer and a Little Squat Gnome
Winter Night Hike and the Really Good Moms
Guerrilla Child Care
Occupation: Wailing Wall (and Worse)
Sing, Choirs of Angels

Thy Kingdom Come, I Will Be Dumb: On Educating Ourselves

Fruit of the Loom Jesus
Awk! Term Paper Time!
Latin for the Not Yet Dead
You're Walkin' on a Dead Guy!
Song of an Aging Student
Three Square Feet of Primal Ooze
Basically, I Just Gave Them All Hammers
Julius Squeezer Goes to School
I Understand this Stuff
Yoppa, Znegg and Shanooz: The Plague of Homework

When Will Dad Become a Woman?

Nine Months Later it Turns Into You
Boy, Oh Boy
Perfume-Giving Ken
I'm Not Naked!
Pod People from the Planet Destructo
Smoke 'em If You Got 'em
Bum Bum!
Nothing But Gonads and a Grin
Capture the Cow's Penis

On Eagles' Wings

The Truth Fairy
Shall We Gather by the River?
Keeping the Faith
A Great Day, Isn't It Sir?
Her Name was Mary
Who Bends in Concentration to Take His Picture
Beyond the Blink of Days
The Early Good-Bye
Give Me Your Hand
The Life is the Light
Is Today Tomorrow?

Those wishing to obtain a copy can contact me at the address listed on the main page.
$9.95 + $2.00 S&H

©Copyright 2002-2011 Terry Marotta, All Rights Reserved.